Cookery
"Sherm's Grouchy Salsa"
Sherm sure is grouchy! If Sherm needs to "get his grouch on" in a hurry, he reaches for his favorite brand of salsa, "Grouchy" brand. If he doesn't have any on hand, that makes Sherm just grouchy enough to make it himself. Grouchy salsa comes in three levels of intensity; Kinda Grouchy, Really Grouchy, and Extra Grouchy, but naturally our favorite grouch is only interested in the maximum grouchiness provided by the Extra Grouchy version. Here's how YOU can make your own Grouchy Salsa, with Sherm's secret recipe...
Ingredients:
1 big can of petite-diced tomatoes (24+ oz.)
1 15oz. can of tomato sauce/puree
1 4oz. can of diced, hot jalapenos
1 teaspoon of minced garlic
1 tablespoon of red wine vinegar
1/4 teaspoon of salt
Dash of green habanaro sauce
corn chips
Tools:
can opener
big 'ol mixin' spoon
measurin' stuff
saran wrap
large mixing bowl
containers for salsa
What to do:
First, drain the diced tomatoes real good. Otherwise, you'll get soggy salsa later. Then dump 'em in your big mixing bowl. Then add your salt, tomato sauce, jalapenos, garlic, and vinegar. Dribble over some of that green habanaro sauce (not too much, now! A small amount goes a long way towards grouch power!). Mix that all together, and cover the mixing bowl with the saran wrap. Throw it in the fridge overnight. The next day, fill your various salsa containers, put the extras back in the fridge and save one out so you can immediately enjoy the grouchiness. It's that simple!
Serves 1-10 grouches.
Recommended Sides:
Those white corn chips are the best, but those lime-flavored Tostitoes aren't bad either.
Okay, so you may be wondering about some of the ingredients.
The diced jalapenos can be found in any good-sized grocery store. They come in little bitty cans. Just be sure to get the one that says "hot", not mild. Remember, "hot" is a relative term here, and they won't overpower you unless you're a total salsa wimp. Also, don't confuse them with the little bitty cans of green chilis, which are usually on the same shelf at the store. The gren habanaro sauce can usually be found eithe in the Mexican foods aisle, or the aisle with tobasco sacue. It comes in a small bottle about the same size as tobasco bottles. DO NOT USE TOO MUCH! If you do (or think you might), have a half-can of tomato sauce handy to cut the salsa later. Eventually you'll figure out how much to use (about 1/2 to 3/4 of a teaspoon), then adust to taste by adding a SMALL amount more, or cutting the salsa mixture with more tomato sauce.
Now, this is really important. I happen to like a more "saucy" salsa; not like stew or ketchup or anything, but more sauce than veggies. You can do that simply by cutting the diced tomatoes in half. Get a plain old 15oz. can of the petite diced tomatoes instead of the 28oz one. Then pick up an extra can of tomato sauce to make up the difference.
Why leave it in the fridge overnight? "Flavor immersion," or some such thing, is the fancy term they use on the Food Network. Basically, it lets all the ingredients hang out and get to know each other, kinda like a salsa lonely hearts dance. It makes for better salsa... trust me!
Can you throw in other stuff, like cilantro or corn? Sure thing! I don't like cilantro in my salsa. I tried it, and hated it, but it's up to you (I think I used too much). My guinea pig co-workers loved it though, which was good on account of I didn't have to finish it. You can also add scallions, but be sure not to go overboard with them, or you'll wind up with onion salsa. Ganted, that could make you grouchy, but it's kind of a waste of the other ingredients.
Grouchy Salsa is supposed to be more or less a garlic salsa. This recipe is medium temperature, or "Really Grouchy". You could cut out the jalapenos if you're looking for "Kinda Grouchy" Grouchy Salsa, but it may be good to note that the Grouchy Salsa Company doesn't sell too much of the "Kinda Grouchy" version. If you wanna go "Extra Grouchy", you can add more garlic and jalapenos (or some chipolte peppers). "Extra Grouchy" is recommended for true grouches only!
Oh, and yeah... you could use fresh veggies and homemade tomato sauce, etc., instead of canned stuff if you have that Julia Child action going on.
1 big can of petite-diced tomatoes (24+ oz.)
1 15oz. can of tomato sauce/puree
1 4oz. can of diced, hot jalapenos
1 teaspoon of minced garlic
1 tablespoon of red wine vinegar
1/4 teaspoon of salt
Dash of green habanaro sauce
corn chips
Tools:
can opener
big 'ol mixin' spoon
measurin' stuff
saran wrap
large mixing bowl
containers for salsa
What to do:
First, drain the diced tomatoes real good. Otherwise, you'll get soggy salsa later. Then dump 'em in your big mixing bowl. Then add your salt, tomato sauce, jalapenos, garlic, and vinegar. Dribble over some of that green habanaro sauce (not too much, now! A small amount goes a long way towards grouch power!). Mix that all together, and cover the mixing bowl with the saran wrap. Throw it in the fridge overnight. The next day, fill your various salsa containers, put the extras back in the fridge and save one out so you can immediately enjoy the grouchiness. It's that simple!
Serves 1-10 grouches.
Recommended Sides:
Those white corn chips are the best, but those lime-flavored Tostitoes aren't bad either.
Okay, so you may be wondering about some of the ingredients.
The diced jalapenos can be found in any good-sized grocery store. They come in little bitty cans. Just be sure to get the one that says "hot", not mild. Remember, "hot" is a relative term here, and they won't overpower you unless you're a total salsa wimp. Also, don't confuse them with the little bitty cans of green chilis, which are usually on the same shelf at the store. The gren habanaro sauce can usually be found eithe in the Mexican foods aisle, or the aisle with tobasco sacue. It comes in a small bottle about the same size as tobasco bottles. DO NOT USE TOO MUCH! If you do (or think you might), have a half-can of tomato sauce handy to cut the salsa later. Eventually you'll figure out how much to use (about 1/2 to 3/4 of a teaspoon), then adust to taste by adding a SMALL amount more, or cutting the salsa mixture with more tomato sauce.
Now, this is really important. I happen to like a more "saucy" salsa; not like stew or ketchup or anything, but more sauce than veggies. You can do that simply by cutting the diced tomatoes in half. Get a plain old 15oz. can of the petite diced tomatoes instead of the 28oz one. Then pick up an extra can of tomato sauce to make up the difference.
Why leave it in the fridge overnight? "Flavor immersion," or some such thing, is the fancy term they use on the Food Network. Basically, it lets all the ingredients hang out and get to know each other, kinda like a salsa lonely hearts dance. It makes for better salsa... trust me!
Can you throw in other stuff, like cilantro or corn? Sure thing! I don't like cilantro in my salsa. I tried it, and hated it, but it's up to you (I think I used too much). My guinea pig co-workers loved it though, which was good on account of I didn't have to finish it. You can also add scallions, but be sure not to go overboard with them, or you'll wind up with onion salsa. Ganted, that could make you grouchy, but it's kind of a waste of the other ingredients.
Grouchy Salsa is supposed to be more or less a garlic salsa. This recipe is medium temperature, or "Really Grouchy". You could cut out the jalapenos if you're looking for "Kinda Grouchy" Grouchy Salsa, but it may be good to note that the Grouchy Salsa Company doesn't sell too much of the "Kinda Grouchy" version. If you wanna go "Extra Grouchy", you can add more garlic and jalapenos (or some chipolte peppers). "Extra Grouchy" is recommended for true grouches only!
Oh, and yeah... you could use fresh veggies and homemade tomato sauce, etc., instead of canned stuff if you have that Julia Child action going on.
